Saturday, November 20, 2010

can't wait to get away

I can't wait to go to on the road-trip, surrounded by friends and friends-to-be hopefully. I'm sick of this oppressive depressing atmosphere right now. I'm sick of being used as a taxi driver for my ungrateful sister late at night. I know it's only the second time I've stayed up this late for her, but once was enough, and that was only two days ago. I'm so tired. I haven't caught up on my sleep since my last exam (which I survived with only 2 hours of sleep) because people just won't let me wake up naturally in the morning. I WANT TO SLEEP!

It doesn't help that my dear mother is pms-ing everywhere, snapping at the smallest thing. I say one thing, in response I get a tirade of abuse in return. Normally my mum tells me to get out when she's angry, but this time she told me if I wanted to stay, I had to pay! "This isn't a free hotel". wtf! And the thing is, every time I even mention moving out, she opposes it! wth man. I remember once she told off my dad for saying things he didn't mean when he was angry - what a hypocrite. I swear, if I get annoyed enough next time, I think I'm just gonna leave if she tells me to get out. It's happened so many times over my life, all the way through childhood till now. I'm tired of empty threats. If you're gonna get so passionate in your rage to say things like that, you might as well act on it, you've said it so many times. 

Oh, and everyone in my family are or have been to china this year. except me. i'm not going, no siree. And when I asked why, no proper reason was given. It's so unfair. And tomorrow, when I have a birthday party to go to for a pretty good friend of mine, my mum decides that it's so unfair of me to go out and not help ever since I went on my holiday (one week ago) and that I can work while she goes shopping for her clothes. Ok, I get that I haven't helped yet and I'm acting selfish ladidadida, but why can't my sister help? She never helps. And no, you can't use the excuse that she has HSC anymore cos its FREAKING OVER. And today happens to be my sister's formal (which I'm staying up late for) and my mum was talking on the phone with her, and then asks her if she wants to go shopping tomorrow! WTF. Unfair to the max. You're going overseas together, is it too much to ask to take me shopping and leave her to work? Do you even realise how unfair you're being? And just because I work now doesn't mean I can pay for every single little thing you know. I'm still a dependent, since you won't let me move out of this house, so why should I pay for every single item of clothing, food, and fucking rent or someshit for living in this house? If I had to pay rent, I might as well go live somewhere else and pay rent there. 

oh and, apparently, now my sister is going to sleep over at a guy's house. for those that know me, you'd be going wtf? number 1. we're never allowed to sleep over. number 2. especially at a guy's house. so. i stayed up late for no reason, AND my sister gets to sleep over at some guy's house for the night, when I can't even sleep over at my best friend's house for a night. 

life is unfair. ramble ramble ramble. 

i just want a hug.


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